The Hard Or Soft Option
by TheResurrectionist
Summary: What do you get with one birthday, one llama, a bookstore owned by Sam and some Debriel pre-slash? A birthday fic for Angelicaldevil, of course! Happy Birthday, hon! Rated T for language and general crack.


A/N Birthday fic for the lovely Angelicdevil who betas my crap and cheerleads when they're in the right mood. Thank you so much for being there for me-I hope this fic lives up to any expectations you had the last week! I know I've been secretive...

Also, special mention for LeeMarieJack who's on here because she deserves a special mention. So there.:)

A/N2 And so, I give you...CRACK!

* * *

Some business days ended with pats on the backs or a bottle of beer. Sometimes they ended in parties and celebration.

Sam's ended in a phone call he never thought he'd be having.

"For the last time, Dean!" Sam said into the phone as his brother's cheerful birthday wishes grew more insistent. "I don't want a llama! Now come by here and pick the damn thing up before I hunt you down."

With an angry sigh, Sam clicked the phone shut, glaring at the table in front of him while his employees tried to restrain their laughter.

They were largely unsuccessful.

"A llama?" Gabriel finally gasped out, holding his stomach as Cas hid his laugh behind a polite cough. They were still dressed in their work clothes, tired but amused after a long day at work. Okay, maybe only Gabriel was really amused.

"I take it back. I really like your brother now. A llama? How great is that!" He cawed, slapping a hand on his knee as he laughed harder. "I think I'm gonna fall of my chair."

Sam sighed again, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. He most definitely did not glance out at the window at the yes, LLAMA nibbling curiously at the grass on his back lawn. Because that would be admitting that it was still there-which it wasn't.

"I do not understand." Cas said after a second, right on time with his confused head tilt. "Why an animal? And why would Dean give _you_ one as a birthday present?"

Gabriel whapped him on the arm. "You saying the boss man ain't good enough for a llama? I wouldn't be insulting him on his birthday, man."

Cas blushed, a rosy color spreading across his cheeks. "I did not imply that." He said stiffly, staring intently at Sam. "I was merely questioning the presence of the...llama."

Sam sighed again, standing up. "I'm wondering more about getting rid of it, honestly. Where the hell did he even get one?" He asked himself out loud, pushing a hand through his hair before walking out of the back room.

"Mexican drug runners." Gabriel said seriously, nodding like it was common knowledge. "There's a huge market for them these days. You know how much some people pay for these suckers?" He asked as got up and followed Sam out of the back room, Cas in tow.

"I don't want it anywhere near the customers can see it." Sam said, taking his place behind the register. "I'd say I'm putting you two in charge of it, but the last time I put you in charge of something we almost got sued."

"Hey!" Gabriel exclaimed, frowning petulantly. "Cas and I didn't do anything wrong! How was I supposed to know what indecent exposure was?"

Sam put his hands over his face. "This is why my life sucks." He groaned into his hands. "Now I have to take care of a llama for my birthday. Jesus Christ."

"Gabriel!" Gabri shouted, raising a hand in the air. At the confused glances he got, the shorter man shrugged.

"I thought that would be a better name for it than Jesus. Just saying."

Cas frowned. "I was unaware we were naming it."

"We are _not_ naming it. We're giving it back." Sam said forcefully. "Right after closing time, which is still an hour away."

"Aww. Why?" Gabriel whined, leaning over the counter like a child. "I wanna keep Little Gabe! It's the most perfect birthday present ever, really! I'll feed him and change him and everything, daddy please!"

Sam stared him down, letting his strongest bitch face show as the smaller man pled with him. "No."

"But-"

"Dean's coming then. To pick it up." He explained. "And then I will not have to deal with the worst birthday present ever again."

"How can you hate llamas, man?" Gabriel asked with his puppy eyes out in full force. "Only a cruel person would inflict such pain on others!" He said, grasping his heart dramatically. He opened his mouth to continue when the store hell jangled, door opening.

Winchester and Co. was one of the most well-known book stores in the whole city, but you wouldn't know that from the outside. A tasteful (but faded) sign covered the front, leading you into one of the largest (and most organized, in Sam's humble opinion) bookstores in the state. Rows and rows were bound to keep you occupied for hours, but the person standing in the doorway was anything but a customer.

"Yeah, Sammy'll do that to you." Dean said as he posed in the doorway, leather jacket reflecting the dying sun's rays. "So my present went over awesomely, then?"

Sam glared at him. "What are you doing here?" He asked angrily, putting a hand on his hip.

"You said you wanted me to swing by and grab the llama." Dean protested innocently, green eyes wide. "First night back in town and I thought I'd be punctual. So what?"

"Yeah! But I'd be less pissed at you if there WASN'T A LLAMA SHITTING IN MY PARKING LOT!" He screamed at Dean, feeling completely out of control and slightly manic.

Instead of arguing, Dean frowned. "Aww, man, is it shitting already?" He asked, craning his neck around Sam to look out the window. "You didn't feed it, right?"

Sam slapped a hand to his face, pointing at Dean. "You. Are getting the llama out of my parking lot. You." He said, pointing Cas. "Are going to help and never speak of this moment again. Understood?"

Two nods and smirk were all the response he got as Cas and Dean walked out into the parking lot. Gabriel sat next to Sam as he put his head down on the counter in defeat.

"I don't like your brother." Gabriel said above his head, voice uncharacteristically serious.

Sam snorted, pushing himself up on his elbows. "What do you mean? You two are like the perfect match nobody ever wanted."

"I've seen him before." Gabriel admitted, running a hand over his face. "He's not so nice a guy."

"You're not either." Sam stated, confused. Studying the shorter man, he frowned. "Are you okay, Gabe?"

Gabriel opened his mouth to answer when Dean stumbled back into the store, shit eating from on his face.

"Dude, you should see the size of its-" He cut off, seeing the glare on Gabriel's face and the confusion on Sam's. "Am I interrupting something?" He asked after a second, raising an eyebrow.

"Nope." Sam said at the same time as Gabriel muttered "Yes."

The eyebrow raised further, but Dean didn't say anything as he studied Gabriel a little closer. "Hey!" He exclaimed, taking a step forward. "You're that guy! From the bar in-"

Gabriel glared at him, eyes losing all of their earlier cheer. "Don't you have a girl to go screw?" He spat viciously at Dean, who paled visibly.

"Gabriel!" Sam said, astonished. "What the hell, man?"

Gabriel didn't say anything as he stormed out into the break room, passing a very confused Castiel before almost knocking into a stack of books waiting to be shelved.

Sam turned to Dean only to find a grim expression on his face. He opened his mouth to apologize when Dean cut him off.

"I'm taking the goddamned llama. Happy?" He asked before spinning and walking out the front door, chimes sounding as it slammed. Sam stood there, speechless as Cas came up next to him.

"What happened?" He asked seriously, blue eyes wide as they stared out the window.

"Honestly?" Sam asked after another speechless moment. "My birthday. I think."

Cas just shook his head, moving to the front to start shelving. Sam stood at the door for a second before joining him.

Oh yeah. Birthdays were the best.

* * *

The next time Dean came around, Gabriel made a bazillion excuses to stay out of his vicinity, even offering to "Cleanse the lavatory facilities" in his words, face so serious even Sam couldn't laugh at his suddenly loyal employee. It'd just been the three of them for a few years, running the store in the only way possible-Sam doing most of the work, Castiel shelving and doing taxes (which he was surprisingly adept at) and Gabriel gleefully running the register. This change didn't make Sam happy, but in all honesty he was more worried than anything else.

Dean changed too, stopping in with hesitant eyes before getting whatever taunting he needed to boost his ego done before heading back to his job. He'd gotten a part time job as a mechanic down a few blocks, (amazingly!) close to Sam's apartment cum bookstore. Anyways, he'd gotten bitchy, Gabriel had gotten bitchy, and Sam was tired of running a store that had enough tension running through it to fuel nine seasons of a soap opera.

Take last Monday for example. Dean, upon entering the store and finding Gabriel cleaning the floor, had politely (Read: Bitchily) inquired about Sam's whereabouts. Gabriel's response?

A dustpan full of dirt in the face. Whatever problem the two had was apparently astronomical, and by the time Sam had ushered a dirt-covered, cursing Dean out the door, he called an emergency meeting with Cas, who really was his second in command when things went south.

God save him if he ever put Gabriel in command of something.

Pulling Cas into his office, he whispered even though he knew Gabriel was probably pouting outside anyways. "This needs to stop."

Castiel nodded, blue eyes serious. "I agree. I found him cutting magazines this morning."

"Magazines?"

"Death threats, I believe. This has progressed too far to allow them to solve it themselves. We will have to intervene."

Sam raised an eyebrow at the finality of his words but nodded after a second. Leaning forward, he fixed the innocent-looking angel with a stare.

"What did you have in mind?"

"Gabriel, I believe we are out of copy paper." Castiel said formally as the three men were sitting around the counter before the store opened. "I require assistance."

Gabriel snorted, flipping his hair impishly. "Go get it yourself, little bro."

"I am unable to."

"Really?" Gabriel asked curiously. "Why not?"

Castiel didn't outwardly frown, but Sam could tell the plan was working. "Because."

"What are you hiding?" Gabriel asked, tilting his head to the side in a way that sharply reminded Sam of Cas. "You're nervous about something."

Cas shot Sam a glance before seeming to give up, playing the role perfectly. "I need to speak with you privately." He said in a low voice. "Please."

Gabriel nodded then, seemingly caught between amusement and confusion. He walked over to the supply closet, dutifully entering the small room.

Sam grabbed his cell phone quick, noting the time. Dean was due any minute, any minute….

With a sigh of relief, Sam opened the door as Dean approached. His 911 text looked like it had been well received, judging by the look on Dean's face.

"Sammy, what is it?" He asked nervously, entering the store like a spooked horse. "What's wrong?"

Sam just gestured for him to hurry, pointing him in the direction of the supply closet with an earnest expression on his face. Dean entered quickly, stumbling over a shelf on the way in.

Cas leaped out of the closet almost quicker than the eye could see, joining Sam at the door so they could push it closed. A second later, one of the heaviest bookshelves Sam owned was across the door and Sam and Cas were grinning at each other.

"Guys?" Gabriel called from the inside. "What the hell? Why is the door closed-fuck!" There was a thump, and suddenly the bookshelf was vibrating with a hit.

"Son of a bitch!" Dean yelled, voice only slightly muffled by the door. "Tell me you didn't just do what I think you just did, Sam!"

Childishly grinning at Cas, he knocked on the wood. "We're not letting you out of here until you work things out!"

"Work things out? I'd rather work things out with fucking Joseph Stalin!" Gabriel screamed from inside the closet. "Let me out!"

Another thump sounded, but the shelf held. This time, Cas spoke.

"You will not leave the closet until this issue is resolved. It is affecting us all negatively."

"Wow, you really have a way with words, don'cha Cas?" Gabriel sarcastically muttered. "Jesus."

"Stop stepping on my foot."

"I'm not stepping on your foot!" Dean growled.

Sam hid a snicker and shook his head. This was gonna be fun.

* * *

A/N Happy Birthday, Angelicdevil! Thank you for an amazing half year of beta-ing. You've been awesome.


End file.
